Mayor lightfoot announces change initiage

We need change. YOUR change. Whatcha got in those pockets?

Today Mayor Lori Lightfoot announced a new initiative for change.  ‘And my change I mean nickles, dimes, quarters people. I’m not kidding. Keep the pennies. We need silver. Chicago is in trouble.”  The Mayor’s Office of Budget and Accounting estimated the amount of loose coins in the couch cushions and easy chairs of Chicago would be enough to pay off the police pension fund, according to Assistant Budget Director Penny Pinchez. ” So dig deep.”

“It is the responsibility of every Chicago household to contribute it’s greasy, forgotten coins tucked dep into the family furniture”, said the Mayor. ” For the sake of our city, I urge you to explore the well-word crevices of your shared heirlooms. You might even find that remote.”

Mayor Lightfoot would  not comment on a rumored project at the University of Illinois the City is underwriting designed to get blood from turnips.